In short
- Mental illness tends to affect a marriage in three specific ways: affection drops off, communication gets harder, and one partner can end up relying on the other for more than is sustainable.
- Affection often goes first, and it usually is not about the relationship. When everything takes effort, being affectionate starts to feel like another task.
- Some partners go years without knowing their spouse has a mental illness, which leaves them trying to interpret mood changes with no information to interpret them with.
- Doing both individual and couples therapy tends to work better than either alone: the individual work on managing the illness, the couples work on communication and understanding.
- For the partner who is not unwell, learning something about the specific condition, and asking directly what support would actually help, does more than guessing.
Do you or your partner experience a mental illness? Do you find it difficult to cope. Does this have a negative effect on your romantic relationship? Do you feel as if your spouse does not fully understand your mental health? Keep reading to learn more about how to deal with mental illness in a marriage.
Experiencing mental illness is a challenge on its own. To add a long term relationship with its ups and downs, to one’s mental health, an individual with mental illness can suffer. Some ways experiencing mental illness can affect your relationship are listed below:
● Lack of affection (physical and emotional) - When dealing with mental illness, being affectionate with your partner might not feel as important or significant. Being affectionate might also feel like a chore, leaving you and your spouse physically and emotionally distant.
● Lack of communication - When overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious about your mental health and other aspects of your life, it can feel difficult to maintain healthy communication with your partner. This can leave you feeling more sad and lonely.
● Risk of codependency - By experiencing a certain mental illness and its respective symptoms, you might tend to rely more heavily on your spouse for support in various ways (financial help, chores, emotional support, etc.). This can cause strain in the relationship. With mental illnesses, taking care of oneself can already pose such a challenge.
Nevertheless, there are many ways to cope with mental illness all while being in a healthy and safe marriage. Listed below are a few ways to do so.
● Talk to a therapist individually and as a couple. This can help greatly as individual therapy can help you learn how to safely deal with your mental illness and various emotions and thoughts, whereas couples therapy can help both individuals in the marriage to better communicate, listen, and understand each other.
● Communicate with your partner. As your spouse, they should accept you for who you are and understand that if you are struggling, they should help. Some partners can go through a majority of the relationship unknowing of their spouse’s mental illness. This can cause many issues as they are not fully aware of the cause for potential behaviours such as; mood swings, depression, manic states, anxiety, etc.
● Understand your partners mental illness. Take the time to listen to your spouse’s experiences and behaviours and how they expect support from you. Take the time to research a bit more about their certain mental illness if you want to learn more about what your partner is dealing with, and how you can help as well.
Overall, dealing with mental illness on its own is difficult. By being in a committed relationship with someone, you are allowing them to see every aspect of you and your life. This can be scary for some individuals, however your partner is here to support you along the way. As an individual dealing with mental illness in a relationship, a lot of dedication and tenacity is required to make the relationship work. Mental illness does not need to be a dark cloud over your life or your relationship. Take the time to understand yourself and your partner to help strengthen your mental health and relationship. However, if you feel that you are struggling, please reach out to a trusted loved one or therapist. At TorontoTherapyPractice, we have considerable experience with treating couples and individual mental health challenges. We can help contact us.
The service behind this article
Couples therapySee how we work with this, who on the team does it, and what it costsClinically reviewed. Written by Mila Arsenijevic, MSW, RSW · Founder and Clinical Director, and reviewed by the clinical team on 1 February 2023. This article is general information, not a substitute for individual care. If you are in crisis, call or text 988.
