In short
- 92 percent of couples experience a gradual increase in conflict after a baby arrives. By 18 months, 13 percent of parents have announced a separation or divorce and 1 in 4 report marital distress.
- Communication is usually the first casualty. Conversation turns businesslike and starts to be only about the baby and the household, and the relationship shifts from partners to co-workers.
- Less time together is compounded by less energy for the time you do get, and by less time either of you has alone for sleep, exercise or anything you enjoy, which makes both of you harder to live with.
- Differences in upbringing surface as differences in parenting and in who does what. An uneven division of labour is one of the most reliable sources of resentment in the first year.
- What helps is unglamorous: actual social support, including someone who will take the baby so the two of you can be alone, and an explicit conversation about dividing responsibilities rather than letting them settle by default.
It's no doubt that having and raising a baby will change the dynamic of your romantic relationship. Sadly, the resulting changes are often negative. The time consuming, tiring, emotionally and physically demanding task of having a baby can put a huge strain on your relationship. 92% of couples experience a gradual increase in conflict after having their baby. By 18 months, 13% of parents announce a separation or divorce and 1 in 4 experience marital distress. So let's discuss the common changes and challenges that arise in relationships while raising a baby and how they can be managed and resolved.
How does Having a Baby Impact your Relationship?
Communication: Parent’s communication after having a baby often turns formal and businesslike with the bulk of their conversations revolving around caring for the child and completing household chores. Valuable, playful, and intimate conversations needed for a loving relationship are brushed over and the relationship naturally shifts from lovers to parents.
Less free time: Both parents have a huge increase in workload and responsibility after having a baby and spend the majority of their time caring for the baby. This takes away from the quantity of time the couple has alone. On top of this, caring for a baby is tiring leaving them with less energy to devote to each other when they do find the time. The lack of quality time takes a toll on their connection to, and love for, one another. Additionally, both partners have less time for themselves to spend on hobbies, self-care, fitness, and relaxing which can make them irritable and more difficult to be around.
Difference in values: Both parents come from a different upbringing with different values which becomes apparent in their parenting styles and division of labour. A parent may strongly disagree with the way their partner wants to raise their child, creating a lot of tension and conflict. Additionally, one partner may feel more inclined to take on, or be left with, more child-rearing responsibilities than the other. This can create imbalances, anger, and resentment in the relationship.
Coping with the Added Stress of Children
Social support: Having family and/or friends as a support system is important during this challenging time. Getting a friend, family member, or neighbour to watch your child gives you and your partner more freedom to spend important quality time together.
Self Care: Make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating well, having alone time, and spending time doing hobbies you enjoy. Equally divide responsibilities: Have conversations with your partner about how you want to fairly divide the child-rearing and household responsibilities in a way that makes sense for your family.
The service behind this article
Couples therapySee how we work with this, who on the team does it, and what it costsClinically reviewed. Written by Mila Arsenijevic, MSW, RSW · Founder and Clinical Director, and reviewed by the clinical team on 22 August 2022. This article is general information, not a substitute for individual care. If you are in crisis, call or text 988.
