When You and Your Partner Disagree About COVID-19

A global pandemic has put our relationships to the test these past two years. Financial concerns, unemployment, loss of social support, and being cooped up in the same space for weeks on end are real problems that come along with pandemic living. All of these problems can put a great deal of stress on a relationship. Having different levels of risk tolerance in your approach to living during the pandemic can feel like the ‘straw that broke the camels back’.

How many people can we see in person? Can we be sure about how many people they are socializing with? Do our kids have the maturity to protect themselves, and the confidence to set boundaries with their peers who may not be following the guidelines for getting through the pandemic? What is the risk of getting sick and how sick will we get? Individuals have different levels of worry in regards to their health and assumptions about how likely they are to get sick or even pass away.

So how do we navigate different beliefs and feelings about the same situation that can widely vary between individuals and couples? As with other differences it is helpful to start from a place of curiosity and compassion. The goal is not to get your partner to see things your way but to have a clear understanding of what they are thinking and feeling and why that is.

Here are some tips to navigate differences in your approach to COVID if your risk tolerance differs:

• Be curious about your partners viewpoint.

  When emotions are running high it can be difficult to hold space for someone else’s point of view. When you are feeling calm try to speak with their spouse and try not to look at them as being wrong or ridiculous because their viewpoint is different than yours. This sets the tone for conflict versus feeling like you are a collaborative problem solving team. Try to ask questions and listen as they explain their point of view.

• Look for mutual understanding

  Ultimately, you and your partner want to keep each other and your family safe. You just differ on what that looks like. In a conflict it can be easy to focus on areas of disagreement, but try to find any areas that you agree on and build from there. If you are not comfortable with socializing and your partner craves it, is it ok if it is done outdoors? Can they support you with not seeing friends or family indoors? Finding common ground is all the more important if you have a family and you need to set clear rules and expectations for them.

• Acknowledge the stress and strain of COVID-

  We are all facing overwhelming levels of stress and anxiety. It is OK to be honest with your partner and let them know how difficult this has been for you. More than ever, you need to have compassion for yourself and for your partner as you navigate difficult conversations. If it becomes too tough to navigate those conversations on your own it could be helpful to reach for professional help. Therapy is helpful with processing emotions and challenges. And don’t let social distancing stop you from making the appointment. You can speak to one of our experienced therapists to get help overcoming relationship struggles or individual mental health challenges.