In short
- Infidelity happens in stable relationships as well as strained ones. Contributing factors can include imbalance between partners, a stressful period, a drop in affection, lifestyle change, addiction, or mental health difficulty.
- The first move is usually not to decide anything. Space before discussion keeps the earliest conversations from being the most damaging ones.
- If you were unfaithful, accountability means being ready to talk when your partner is ready, being clear about what you are going to do differently, and being willing to look at what led there.
- Forgiveness is not an event you arrive at. Both people need patience with a process that cannot be hurried without damaging it.
- Couples counselling gives you a third person with no prior view of either of you, which friends and family cannot offer however much they want to help.
Has your relationship suffered from infidelity? If you have, know that you are not alone in this journey.
What is Infidelity?
Infidelity is a violation of a couple’s trust and intimate relationship. An act of infidelity can lead to feelings such as anger, sadness, and disappointment. Having your significant other betray your trust and faith can feel devastating, but it takes True strength and courage to try and build the relationship again if both parties are willing to make it work.
Why do Affairs Happen?
Infidelity can be caused by various reasons and can occur in any type of relationship whether it is strained or stable. Some of these reasons can be:
- Imbalance in relationship
- Stressful periods of life
- Lack of affection (emotional/physical) -
Lifestyle changes -
Addiction -
Mental health issues
What to Do If Someone in the Relationship Cheated?
Although every couple will deal with infidelity differently, it is important to not make rash decisions and give each other space. Dealing with infidelity and a loss of trust can be intense and difficult to deal with. The best way to avoid heated discussions and anger fueled thoughts would be by giving each other some time and space to think about the next steps of the relationship. If both people are willing to work on the relationship, then there are a few next steps you could take to ensure you both enter the healing process in a safe way. Some of these next steps include:
Going to couples counselling
Going to counselling as a couple can help each person in the relationship share their emotions and thoughts with a trusted individual that is not biased. Sometimes going to family or friends with situations like these can feel intimidating as they might already have judgements or biases on the person or situation at hand.
Take accountability
If you were unfaithful, take accountability and ensure that you communicate with your partner in a healthy manner when they are ready to discuss the infidelity. If you are regretful, make sure your partner understands that and what your next steps are to make things right again in the relationship. Talking about the reasons in which you had an affair in the first place can help your partner understand the situation a bit better.
Be patient
Relationships take a lot of work and dealing with an infidelity is not something to be taken lightly. Both people in the relationship need to be patient and understand that forgiveness is not a destination but a journey. It will take time for forgiveness to be given and this process should not be rushed. By talking to each other, understanding the initial trigger for infidelity, and taking time to heal from emotional outbursts and intense anger/sadness, mending the relationship becomes easier.
The service behind this article
Couples therapySee how we work with this, who on the team does it, and what it costsClinically reviewed. Written by Mila Arsenijevic, MSW, RSW · Founder and Clinical Director, and reviewed by the clinical team on 8 December 2022. This article is general information, not a substitute for individual care. If you are in crisis, call or text 988.
